With you or without you…

Because alone also is lovely with you. All the ones you’ve showed me anew.

Your concealing more than revealing. Your sharing of space rather quietly. Your noticing things without letting me know or hoping at least I didn’t get to know. Your holding me close when there’s a crowd around us. Your holding me close when there’s no-one but us. Your absolute ignorance sometimes of what to talk to me about. Your reluctant innocence sometimes in sharing the things that make you proud.

Your idiotic rigidity in having things your way. Your steely resolve sometimes for keeping me at bay. Your knowing your unreasonableness, but insisting anyway. Your hurting me like daggers and then simply walking away. What stupid part in me lets you have your leeway. What part of you has a hold on me so I can’t walk away.

Why is it your smile makes me hope for better days. What tempts me to smile in the flashes of your gaze. What is this strange comfort in learning your new ways. Why do I care when you’ve left me in this maze. What is your soul really up to, what is this mystery haze.

What is this meant to show me, what is the message here. Is the universe having a laugh, I’m not exactly clear. I’m blistered, bruised and broken, but I’m right here fighting fear. They say I’m a fool to love, but I’m not one to hear.

Pain comes and so comes wonder, they try pulling me asunder. I may give up just now, no blame no going under. But how do I silence the voice in me, nudging at the path of surrender. The former asking me to recede my steps, yet the latter making me ponder. Which one is the externally influenced choice, what is it my soul remembers.

Does one make me cowardly in spirit, while the other a coward in flesh. What am I here to accomplish, what is my expected prowess. What is the outcome of failure, what anyway is success. Why can’t I just have light, why the obsession with progress. Why can’t there just be love, why the stoicism in distress.

Maybe providence will guide me or judge me one day. Baby, with you or without you, I love you anyway.